At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
