i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
