haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
