I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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