I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
