You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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