i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
