I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize