He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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