I must be too annoying 4 u.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
