you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize