There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
