party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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