My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he fucked my hip out of place.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
