if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize