his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
