Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
