i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
