He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
