Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
