I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
