I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
