Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
