It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
