you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
