that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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