I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
