watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
