sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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