I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
