soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
