I'm gonna have a badass scar
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
