Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
