When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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