ADVERTISEMENT

• (253): View more from Washington

  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

  Fav 15 920 3901

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings

  Fav 40 1157 7663

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style

  Fav 23 7156 1712

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself

  Fav 6 3904 1398

  share tweet
  
• 

  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will fight anything that is not spinning right now

  Fav 9 2951 1270

  share tweet
  

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown

  Fav 14 3511 1236

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (302): View more from Delaware

  Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

  Fav 27 4825 1503

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.

  Fav 14 1275 1181

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.

  Fav 5 1696 649

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash

  Fav 0 909 625

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?

  Fav 0 742 409

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (850): View more from Florida

  I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend

  Fav 0 620 336

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.

  Fav 4 103 27

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it

  Fav 2 64 34

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (347): View more from New York

  Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil

  Fav 0 32 12

  share tweet
  

Randomize