I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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