Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.