it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask