There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
