don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Bring me that man meat
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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