This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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