ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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