it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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