I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
