Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
