No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
