My hand turned me down
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
