i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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