In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
