Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
