i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
