So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
