i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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