i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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