I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
