If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
