Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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