dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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