I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
