A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
