Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
