we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
