I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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