Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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