i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
