were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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