i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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