oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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